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Grandfather and I

Monday July 24 2017

Life and Work's much-loved columnist, the Very Rev Dr James Simpson, has chosen some of his favourite pieces from over 10 years of meditations.

In his latest choice, published in March 2010, he highlights the importance of family life.

Few books have jolted me more than the children’s picture book “Grandfather and I” by Helen E Buckley.

“Grandfather and I are going for a walk. It will by a slow walk because Grandfather and I never hurry…

“Other people we know are always in a hurry. Mothers hurry. They walk in a hurry and talk in a hurry, and they always want you to hurry.

“But Grandfather and I never hurry. We walk along and walk along and stop… and look… just as long as we like.

“Fathers hurry. They hurry off to work and they hurry home again. They hurry when they kiss you and when they take you for a ride.

“When Grandfather and I get home we sit in a chair and rock and rock, and sing a little and talk a little, until somebody tells us to hurry.”

The scary thing is that far too often that is painfully true.

The book reminded me of the central character in one of Aldous Huxley’s short stories.

Oscar gives generously of his time, money and energy to worthy causes. Oscar is a very busy man, so busy that his family life turns sour.

It seems to have been similar with the writer of The Song of Solomon. He laments: “They made me keeper of the vineyards; buy my own vineyard I have not kept.”

Many of the big names in the Old Testament did not rate highly as parents. Isaac made the elementary mistake of having a favourite, preferring Esau to Jacob.

Jacob made the same mistake with Joseph and in doing so put the rest of the family’s back up. Eli the priest helped the boy Samuel on the road to righteousness, but could not control his own sons. And when Samuel grew up and became busy with the affairs of God, it is recorded that his sons ‘were intent on their own profit: they took bribes and perverted the course of justice’. “Behold you are old,” the elders say to Samuel, “And your sons do not following your footsteps.”

The same could have been said to David about Absalom.

The family being the miniature world in which young people learn to face the wider world, bringing up children is probably the most important task fathers and mothers will ever undertake.

A teenager said of his father: “Dad always used to say ‘we will see’. I soon learned that what he really meant was ‘no’.”

Unfortunately some parents are so busy at their work, or so involved with hobbies or sports in which they have a special interest – so busy in these vineyards that they neglect the vineyards of home and family in which life’s most significant values should take root and grow.

It is right that we take seriously our obligations in the world’s big vineyards – the workplace, the community, the church. But in doing so we should not neglect family life.

The emotional and financial costs of doing so are great. Many headteachers believe that family breakdown or neglect is an even greater threat to pupils’ wellbeing than drugs or alcohol.

What kind of adult world is it that indulges itself and neglects its children? Young people need their parents’ presence more than their presents.

Making time to be with our children and to play with them, and listen to them ought to be a priority. What Britain will amount to in the end will depend on the quality of its homes. Parents are building for the future, one slate laid upon another, and another.

In the end, if they do the job with care and diligence, there is a strong probability they will build young lives that will be reasonably resistant to life’s storms. More than that, they will have influenced the future of their grandchildren, even their great grandchildren.

The character, traditions and values which parents exemplify meander like a river into the distance and out of their sight, on and on through the generations.

There is no higher calling than making time to understand, love and discipline youngsters who make constant demands, and at times drive us crazy.

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James A Simpson's books, written to raise funds for cystic fibrosis research, are published by Steve Savage and available in shops and online.